Suffer Together With Yourself


The word ‘compassion’ literally means ‘to suffer together’. So to have compassion for yourself is to suffer with yourself. When you’ve made a mistake, when you’re feeling dejected, when you doubt your ability, compassion calls you to sit and suffer together with yourself, and in doing so, love yourself back to a place of healing.

Mental Health: When I discovered what 'compassion' really meant, it completely changed how saw my own healing. I realised that the compassion I needed to give myself was so much more than a kind word and an empty promise, but that it called me to suffer together with myself.⁠

To actually be my own friend.⁠

To really suffer together with my pain so that I could get through it knowing that I was going to be okay. When I made a mistake, when I experienced failure, when I felt no love for myself. Not to judge myself, not to rush healing, not tosay the things we all say when we think we don't deserve love and grace, but to just sit and suffer.⁠

That's what friends do.⁠

They don't rush to give advice or explain away your pain. They patiently suffer together with you, so you don't feel alone. They listen, they honour your pain and truth, they do their best to feel what you're feeling.⁠

When you most need compassion, is when you most feel alone. Like the last thing in the world you think you deserve is someone sitting with you through your healing.⁠ That's why you suffer together with yourself. Whether it's healing the child within you, or the you that screwed up and cannot let it go. Sit, suffer, feel, cry, laugh, and be gentle with yourself. Treat and care for yourself as someone who deserves to be cared for, even when it feels untrue.⁠

Be compassionate. Suffer together with yourself as a friend, and the love you share within will change you, heal you, and grow you.


Recommended Reading: If you are interested in the brain, psychology, and one of the most misunderstood aspects of neuroscience - the difference between the right and the left hemisphere - "The Master and His Emissary" by Dr Iain McGilchrist will change your life. Not even an exaggeration. It changed the way I think about God, psychology, and culture. By purchasing the book through the link, you will be supporting what we do at Hitchhiking to Healing.


Life advice: IQ is our most reliable and empirical metric of fluid intelligence, which is a really sensitive topic for people. It can't be changed, it can't be manipulated, and it's generally static across one's life, declining with age after 25. This is a sensitive conversation, as fluid intelligence is strong predictor of success. However, conscientiousness, the personality trait associated with hard work, can provide you with eight points of IQ. That is the difference between the average high school student and the average undergraduate, which is a massive difference.

No matter your IQ, the point is, work your tush off. Work as hard as you possibly can, and see what happens. Your IQ is fixed, great, put it aside, and begin the master the skill of stretching yourself. Test this. Find a task that would usually take you half a day to complete, and try and complete it in one hour. It will push you and stretch you like nothing you have done before, but I guarantee that you will be astonished at what you can achieve. This will refrain everything you do, and more than IQ, will be the defining factor of your success.